Fire Away

Shoot me now, but I won't fall.

Today I have to face the truth.

He never really loved me. He doesn’t and most likely, he never will.

All this time I made myself believe that we were perfect for each other, when all signs were pointing otherwise. I wanted everything to work out. I wanted to be special to him so badly that I actually believed it, despite his actions. I wanted a happy ending and so I forgot to consider the present. I was hurting so bad yet I ignored it because there was only one thing in my mind: I wanted him.

Things started out great. We were bursting with happiness. It was delusional. However, even when he showed me and told me that he loved me; it wasn’t as much as he would have for other people. I know because I have seen him love someone else. He didn’t give up for a long time. He loved her truly. Even when she pushed him away, he stayed. Something he would never have done for me.

He got me easy. I guess when you get something you didn’t really work for; you don’t appreciate its value. I gave myself too much, too soon. I trusted him so much I gave my whole heart to him from the start, something he took for granted.

When he started to treat me badly, I clung to him. I didn’t want to give up and so the more he pushed me away, the more I fought for us. I let go of my pride, of my dignity. I stopped thinking about myself.

Now I know that this is a mistake. I am closing my door completely for him. I have to start letting go. I have to kill all hope. I have to move on.

He was my first love. And that’s it, it’s over.

Goodbye.

I’m still broken.